//An anonymous user posts to a popular nexus site's rant subforum.// i dont know where to start with this. if i ramble, im sorry. i just need to get things off my chest. a person i knew killed himself yesterday. i hesitate to call them a friend, but it's still shaken me in a way that is so hard to describe. prior to this i thought i would be glad to be rid of him but right now i cant stand it. im going to get a lot of shit for this. i know i am but its what i went through and i feel like i cant process it with out just getting it off my back. a few months ago, this person came to my house when i was drunk and attacked me. i almost died. before he stabbed me, i never thought i would care that much about dying. i was even going to give myself over to illness. but that day i almost died and i crawled. i crawled to the hospital, because i was afraid of dying. a few months later, he was back. he snuck in while i was asleep. i honestly thought he might rape me, but instead he extorted me into letting him into my business. we became coworkers and i allowed it out of fear of the safety of myself and those close to me. i was afraid to go to any authority because when i was attacked i was left to fend for myself. he even gave me information to blackmail him with, but what good would that do when they didnt even seem to care that i almost died in the first place? its fucked up. but we became friends over the months of working together. we had disagreements, and i was still afraid, but most of the time he was just.. so normal. he still hurt me, though. he even continued to hurt me. he brought a dead body to my office and forced me to help him cover it up. but i still wanted to help him. i felt what he didnt want to say. it was something i had never experienced before. i could feel the emotions he was feeling, even though he never displayed them. it was like i had some understanding of him that i dont have with anybody else. because of this i felt obligated to try and help him through whatever mental issue made him do the things that he did. and then, not even a few days later, he kills himself. i had reached out to help him for the first time, and i was still too late. i found him. i know how to clone him. he left me instructions for if i wanted to. every fiber of my being is telling me to make sure he stays dead, but theres still a part of me that wants to help, to fix. i know its because he manipulated me, but he was one of my only friends. i dont intend on getting any advice, any sympathy, or any pity. i just needed this out of my system. //END.//
