((Just so there is no confusion, this is a completely new race.)) Important Notices: 1. I would like this race privately graded, because whats the point of having a race that's devoted to being secretive if everyone knows the lore? 2. The first stage application has taken the form of an IC document, so that one can know what their characters would actually be able to know. The second stage application, should I make it that far, will be far more informative. It will also drop the gimmick. For grading it should be known that most all theories or ideas brought up by this are correct, excluding the one regarding cloaking capabilities. [font='Times New Roman', Times, serif]The Present [/font] Much thanks to /profile/6-wowgain/?do=hovercard" data-mentionid="6" href="/profile/6-wowgain/">@WowGain for making the icon! (The following is part of a leaked document from an as of yet unnamed research facility.) The Pitch: Anomalous Alien Shadow People who thrive off Confusion. Snapshot: Anomalous Lifeform Discovery Number __ are currently being held on _____ , which is overseen by Doctor _____ _____ of _____ . Originally discovered on 6/24/ _____ , at _____ , the so-called "Presences†are an anomalous race of hyperspace origin. To the naked, organic, eye they are made of a black substance with white eyes and a translucent barrier around them. Presences have been shown to be quite diverse in body formations from the seven currently cataloged. Few trends tend to appear, mostly just sticking to a vaguely humanoid silhouette. Whether or not this form continues in Hyperspace is unknown as of yet. They have displayed no bodily needs as of yet, but have shown negative reaction to being left unstimulated for periods longer than three days(See incident 31), beyond this it is believed they can't recognize faces, as several personal have been mistaken for each other due to the similarities of their suits. The substance they are made of has been dubbed "Tenebris†by themselves and is known to have volatile reactions to all tested metals and distort all recordings or images of it. They have also been shown to either possess cloaking capabilities, or what is believed to be a sort of "teleportation" using a native ability to go back and forth from Hyperspace and Realspace. This is believed partly due to the high cuils generated while they practice this ability. Culturally Presences have shown relative nothing. They have no traditions, history, core beliefs or morality as of yet seen. They have been noted to speak cryptically in all situations, often refusing to grant information or using circular logic. As of yet the exact reason is unknown, though it is theorized their civilization must thrive off this in someway. They have also been shown to mimic tone and volume of voice, and, on all occasions have been seen wearing some sort of near full body covering, most often a cloak. It is believed this is due to some issue with being in Realspace(see incident 28). Lastly, though only officially discovered around the 24th of June, it is believed they have existed since the early 2000s, where their uncloaked likeness appears often in paranormal investigations. Some evidence even supports them existing before or parallel with some societies. Though this cannot be proven as it often uses mythology as its main source. Images: (Above, images taken sometime during the early 2000s of a supposed "demons.†This is believed to be an image of a Present Instance made before they were officially discovered.) (Two modern day pictures of Presences.) Cosigners: Geotec Kappa 8jaaroud Jackalope Mastermind Ninin
Hey there, it's Pink. I know I don't normally grade species, or grade at all, but most of the org team has either been busy or overwhelmed lately, so here I am. Besides, you guys have been waiting a long time. I'd like to start off with an apology. I can see a lot of effort has been put into this species and I know a lot of people are hyped about its grading. I also know you've been waiting for a long time. But, unfortunately, regardless of the circumstances, I'm going to have to give this species a fail. The Present have a lot of detail put into them, and love, but there are two things they lack that is fundamental to species creation. They lack originality/original design, and they lack feasibility. The Present are, unfortunately, very generic and unoriginal in appearance. While there is variation in their appearance to an extent, they are still, in their base form, shadowlike humanoids with two glowing white eyes. This is an incredibly common design for various monsters in science fiction/fantasy (mostly fantasy, actually) television shows, comics, books and movies. Species and people with this "shadow humanoid" design can be found from D&D as the Shadowkin to The Shadow Man from The Twilight Zone to movies like Lights Out (2016) all sorts of paranormal themed- radio shows and television series.Heck, they can even be found in Starbound itself, on midnight planets in singleplayer. Just googling "shadow person" will get you thousands of images that very closely resemble the Present. The more widespread and overused a trope is, the harder it becomes to write in an original way. And, unfortunately, the "shadow person" trope is practically everywhere. This is only reinforced by their hyperspace origins. Hyperspace species are graded differently- they're held to a much, much higher standard. Hyperspace species have to be extremely original, and also extremely unfamiliar to the human eye- in a terrifying, overwhelming way. That's what Hyperspace is all about, and sadly the Present are neither- not only are they not original in appearance, but they're so common in human culture and literature that they're actually familiar to the human eye. People won't look at a Present and go "what the fresh fuck is that", they'll look at one and go "it's a shadow monster, like the one from that horror movie I saw". In a nutshell: if it's (almost always) humanoid and has eyes on its head, it's not fit for hyperspace. There's another problem, too, which is that the Presence don't seem scientifically feasible. Not only is there no explanation for how tenebris actually works on a molecular or even on a biological level, but there's also no explanation for how the Presence themselves work. As far as I can tell, they have no organs and no scientific explanation for those lack of organs. How do they think? How do they move? Where do they get their energy from? Can they be killed? What is tenebris made of? How does it work? Even energy beings like the Firstborn have a scientific basis behind their function- zero point energy fields and hyperspace physics exploits. The Presence, on the other hand, have nothing. They mind as well be magic. It doesn't help that there doesn't seem to be any evolutionary reason for their humanlike appearance- assuming they evolved at all. Not only this, but they also have no culture, which worries me. Culture is an extremely important part of sentient evolution and development. I've heard that Presence are largely independent from one another. If this is true, how do they develop technology? How do they enter realspace, and travel from star to star? Most importantly, why do they have no culture and values? Finally, while not as big of a deal as feasibility and originality, there are a few balancing issues with the Presence. Their teleportation from realspace to hyperspace and vice versa is not only incredibly advantageous, but it apparently generates a large amount of cuils when they teleport. This could, quite literally, just straight-out kill anybody in the immediate vicinity every time a Presence teleports, which is a racial ability they seem to be able to perform at any moment. I've also heard that there's only one way to kill a Presence. For the sake of keeping your documents private I won't say what it is, but from what I understand it's something that doesn't involve physical damage in any way, which makes the Presence immune to all forms of physical harm. This is, obviously, also a huge balancing issue. I know this is a lot to take in, and again, I'm sorry you had to wait for so long only to have your race failed. This doesn't have to be the end, however. If you revamp the Presence entirely- give them an entirely different appearance and scientific explanation and change their theme, give them a complete overhaul, you might be able to still get a race passed that does that you wanted the Presence to do. Don't be disheartened! You have plenty of cosigners to help you with it, after all.
As I see you've yet to move this race to it's appropriate, now failed, subforum, I am going to make a final attempt in which to convince you. If it doesn't, feel free to just fail the race outright, I feel like I should just put my defense here publicly. I would also like to note that on the very, very low chance that we have do get passed- This defense will be talking in length about items related to the Present, if you do not wished anything spoiled do not read it. I'd also like to mention to Pinkbat that, I realize in our earlier talk we had been a bit rude. This was largely due to frustration that we had waited so long and put so much hard work into a race that was apparently "Generic" and bad enough to get a Fail without you even considering the possibility of Pending- Or asking me the various questions in this post before posting it, for that matter. But yes, we were at times hostile and I'm sorry for that. When I originally read this respond I assumed you didn't have the second stage application I had made - which, as you know, expands greatly on the ideas. You have as such made me clear that this isn't the case. This will be brought up later, but for now I wanna start up with your actual complaints. Firstly you mention how they are both boring and generic in appearance. While I do say that the references that are used in both Present apps are rather generic "shadow person" or "cloaked person" type things. This was simply because I was working with what I could find off Google images and a rather simplistic image glitching program. But when it comes to Presences, I have mentioned just how varied and unique they have the ability to be, using the key words of loosely humanoid. Along with this, they have no ability to recognize others by their face or details, merely their broad silhouette and general color, which encourages them ICly to make an appearance that is distinctive and easily identifiable. With such loose guidelines and cultural backing for creativity and variety of creative characters, many different appearances can and should be made, like the following. Of which I do not see as nearly as "generic" as you'd make them out to be. And even with them yes, being a common thing in the loose sense of "Shadow Person", you yourself said that it simply becomes harder to right them in a unique way, not impossible. And I feel like, with the contents of the race regarding culture specifically(Which will be addressed later), it more then makes up for it. And when you talk of Hyperspace creatures supposing to look "weird" and "overwhelming" to the human eye, I point to Firstborn. They are the first of all the Hyperspace species, and yet they're easily grasped by the human mind. To use your own words to an extent: When someone sees a Firstborn they won't go "Oh sweet hell what the fuck am I looking at." They'd go "Oh it's haunted armor I've seen that in every RPG and fantasy every." And, even Visitant to an extent have the same problem - While I won't fault their ships or several of the sprites made for NPCs of them that I've seen, the typical player character sprite is rather... plain. When I see that, I do not go "Oh what the hell", I go "Oh it's some weird android with four necks and a circle face". And, I'd like to mention that Visitants are mostly humanoid and have eyes in their head(In my experience with them). While I understand this is merely their bodies in Realspace, it's hard to think of them as anything else. Though if really needed, I suppose I could use Presence as non-hyperspace entities with minor rearrangement- After seeing Archon do it so well. But beyond the appearance, of which seems to be your major problem, the next issue on the list is them not being scientifically feasible. While I'd like to call attention to the Firstborn for something that should not be scientifically feasible, but somehow get away with it by being ZPEM and having association with the Watchers, that is besides the matter. I would like to note that Tenebris is explained in the application, and even has a full paragraph dedicated to how it works. Though this does not go into a molecular level, you can not make the blanket statement that it "isn't explained". It goes into rather explicit detail about how Presences work. So you're either being too vague with your statements or you genuinely forgot/missed it in your reading. As it stands, Tenebris is a highly compact gaseous substance with structures inside similar to a brain. Their whole body is one organ, in the same way skin is an organ. With their eyes being more stereotypical organs. They move similarly to how one of us would, they urge themselves forward in a similar way to how one of us would urge our legs to move. As for where they get their energy from? I know for a fact that the explanation for that is rather detailed in there, as I was prompted to add it by Wowgain. Their tenebris secretes a special chemical from mental stimulation, which is combined with light energy gathered in through their eyes(The real purpose of their eyes), and is converted into usable energy. As for if they can be killed- I understand the confusion on this as the paragraph about it deals only with biological death. They can, in fact, be killed, and it is quite easy given that if you manage to throw three pinballs into them, they're dead- Due to the fact of Tenebris reacting horribly with realspace materials, particularly Metals, which cause combustion. As for what Tenebris is made of, it simple is tenebris. What is iron made of? Or Lusnium? There aren't really any smaller components to it. At least as far as other elements are concerned. And I do believe I've sufficiently explained- And it is explained in the application. -How it works. As for your culture-based questions, the phrasing in the application is off, and again it'd probably have been a better idea to ask me privately then just mark it on here. But Presence themselves lack any real culture - being an antisocial species they scarcely interact. Their culture comes from their unique way of feeding themselves and interactions with other races, to quote our private conversation: "Presences are antisocial creatures, preferring to be away from their own kind for as long as possible, many go great ages without seeing any others. However in order to keep themselves alive they must fill themselves with wonder, some great curiousity that keeps them going. As such they have become a rather nomadic race, traveling by themselves and seeing the sights of the universe. One curious feature is that they will often spend great ammounts of time creating their own ways to store information, making it purposefully obtuse and hard to figure out, as when another presence finds it, it will have to be filled with more curiousity in order to actually do it. As such it is seen as a good will gesture. On the very off chacne that they meet, and one of them isn't a raveling presence, they will often engage in short, puzzling, riddle-like discussion before continuing on. Nothing is explained, nothing is said, because to explai nsomething is a sign of great hatred, an assurance of death. They are also more interested in the features of Realspace, but only in such a way as someone who wanted to profit off of it. They have no great drive to understand, they merely want to experience, be confused by how peculiar these races are, with there more emotions. A lot of odd interactions happen from this, like the fact a presence will always mimic the tone of voice of who it's speaking to, regardless of mood, or how that, if told to create a phone or drive to somehow, they will make it with the intent of making communication harder, as again, that is how one expresses kindness in their minds. They will typically only form bonds with creatures for short whiles, drawing in as much detail as vaguely as possible for a short while, before discontinuing all contact to that creature so it can ponder over what it's already gotten. Leading to "friendships" with them often being filled with holes. As such romantic relationships are just flat out impossible, and when asked they will mock the feelings in order to "experience" a date. Heartbreak will insue as the presence discontinues all contact for the next 4 months." And later as you asked for a more self-culture oriented explanation: "They are generally very distant creatures, that being only masked by the fact that they inadvertently come off in other ways due to mimicing others. So generally they have no religion, just curiousity for what might be out there, they have no big ideas of how important races are, except for how confusing it is. They have no favourite cloak, they simply note that it is the only way they can be identified, a unique shape and a unique color. They fear death, but do not ponder it until it is brought up, as they understand very little of it and are rather apathetic once one dies." But as it stands they, by default, have no real culture as they don't interact. And their oddity comes from their interactions. As for the technology question: Generally they have no technology in the normal sense, only rough constructs made out of Tenebras. Any technology they have that's beyond their normal simple constructs has been influenced by some other race. They don't progress as a species or try to advance. They're much simpler then that. If you fail this again, please move this to the denied subforum.
Fail this again? I already failed it. This isn't how the grading process works. You can't post a few dozen textwalls and hope it'll change my grade, because it won't. I couldn't pass this even if I wanted to– When you get failed, you have to post an entirely new application. In fact, you're technically breaking a rule here– by trying to continue the argument on a graded thread. These are the exact same arguments you gave me in the text chat, and I won't be addressing them again. I wasn't convinced then, and I'm certainly not convinced now. It doesn't matter how long your textwalls are: in my eyes, this species isn't interesting, isn't original, and definitely aren't worthy of a pass. They're a complete void of content, I don't care how many legs they can have. I'm not arguing this anymore. Your species is failed. It's remaining failed. If you want a second chance, make a new app, or heavily revise your old one- and send it to me. Locked & moved to denied subforum.
