Fringe-goers, hear my very heartfelt words here Within this advertisement lies my humble swear and unconditional promise to provide you, my prospective customer, with the highest-quality furs in all of Falahal. I have been bred to do this My esteemed father, Mister A. G. Pittman has trained me from my unfortunate birth for two purposes: Firstly: To hunt and procure the finest fur pelts and offer them for the lowest prices much to the satisfaction of my prospective customers! Secondly: I shall hunt and kill as many men and beasts as I can before I die. I hire only the weakest in my operation My passion for my craft and the hunt are unmatched, and no competitor can beat my guarantee! I promise to use my considerable and storied experience effectively to manage my company and pass the expert savings onto you, my dearest customer. No man has the capacity to operate my business, I shall never in my lifetime name a man to succeed me and I abhor the idea of siring a child as I detest the fairer sex. I am the man behind every decision made in my company’s name. I, dear customer, hire only the feeblest and most inept of our society. I solely employ orphaned florans, pregnant women, crippled and old men, among various other invalids. Bury me with my money My business shall indeed be taken to my grave along with me. There is only the rest of my life to make business with me. It is my every intention to be committed to grave with all of my worldly possessions. I will deal to ANY man Be you a murderer, scoundrel, priest, thief, lawyer, rapist, pirate, or child- I WILL deal with you. I conduct business with the evilest dregs of society and take great pleasure in doing it. Come to Colkirk
