Rating the alien starbound crops by how edible I think they are.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by TrIpTiCuS, Nov 21, 2020.


Has God abandoned us?

  1. Yes

    5 vote(s)
  2. Yes

    1 vote(s)
  3. Other (please specify)

    6 vote(s)
  1. TrIpTiCuS

    TrIpTiCuS Galactic Citizen

    Jun 30, 2017
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    I had this idea last night whilst I was in a fit of sleep deprivation so lets go. I'm gonna rank every starbound alien produce by how tasty I think they would be.

    Alien fruit: alienfruit.png
    Probably very squishy. Looks like a cross between a pear and an eggplant. I'm not a huge fan of either so eh, I'll pass.
    Verdict: 2/10

    Automato: automato.png
    Off to a bad start. I don't even think this is really edible, is it?
    Verdict: 1/10. Probably runs crysis though.

    Avesmingo: avesmingo.png

    Now we're getting somewhere. Apparently the avesmingo tastes like 100 different things? That might get overwhelming quickly. Still, it's better than eating actual metal.

    Verdict: 50 flavours/100

    Beakseed: beakseed.png
    I do not want to eat the crunchy beakseed nostril. Why did they call it a nostril? That's not okay. I also don't like the idea that it's crunchy. To me it feels like it should be like the avian potato. Starchy and soft like God intended.
    Verdict: 4/10

    Boltbulb: boltbulb.png
    Again with the metal plants! You'd think chucklefish could think of something better for glitch colonies than actual plants somehow growing made of metal. And how is it soft? It's made of steel! No, this goes against all my primal instincts.
    Verdict: 1/10. Only plays skyrim.

    Boneboo: boneboo.png
    The boneboo scares me. It grows in flesh from long bones. It probably tastes like blood, but hey! At least it contains a lot of calcium!
    Verdict: healthy bones/10

    Coralcreep: coralcreep.png
    Probably tastes like saltwater. I don't think we should be eating corals though, they kinda got it rough enough as is.
    Verdict: 4/10

    Crystal plant: crystalplant.png
    Do not underestimate the crystal plant! These sickly sweet little slabs of crystalline goodness to me just look like massive sugar crystals! I wouldn't mind chewing down on one of these as a saturday treat!
    Verdict: 8/10

    Currentcorn: currentcorn.png
    Apparently contains actual battery acid that makes it unsafe for human consumption which terrifies me. It's a mountain dew can that grows out of the ground and probably tastes about as toxic.
    Verdict: 3/10

    Dioda: diodiaicon.png
    The dioda is the only metal-like vegetable which isn't explicitly metallic. It just tastes of copper, which restores my faith in God. Though apparently eating too much copper can lead to liver failure so, yeah, don't eat too many.
    Verdict: inevitable cirrhosis/10

    Dirturchin: dirturchin.png
    Squidgy and tasteless, a lot like my personality.
    Verdict: yeah same honestly

    Eggshoot: eggshoot.png
    Finally! A vegetable that actually kinda looks like a vegetable. Apparently it's runny on the inside, like a soft boiled egg, which makes me wonder why avians of all people enjoy these.
    Verdict: Potential prolicide/10

    Feathercrown: feathercrown.png

    Again with the honestly very normal looking veggies. Probably tastes really good baked? I wouldn't mind cronching down on some baked feathercrowns as a side for my hamburger. With a bit of salt you'd be golden!

    Verdict: 9/10

    Neonmelon: neonmelon.png

    Probably tastes like a pineapple with the feel of a watermelon. I mean, I like watermelons, and pineapples. Probably goes well on a pizza. Infact, just saying it... I could go for a neonmelon pizza right now...
    Verdict: 7 neonmelon pizza slices / 8

    Oculemon: oculemon.png
    Do not look at me weird fruit. I will not tolerate your judgmental glare. Had God wanted your existence to continue unfettered he would not have placed me upon this earth so I could systematically eradicate every trace of the oculemon from history.
    Verdict: stop looking at me / oh god oh fuck

    Pearlpea: pearlpea.png
    Probably very hard raw, but mushy and soft when boiled. I mean I like peas, I wouldn't mind some tasty pearlpeas with my mashed potatoes.

    Verdict: 7/10

    Pussplum: pussplum.png
    I don't like this thing. I do not like the creamy center. This is like satans unholy twinkie. Get it away from me!

    Verdict: 4/10 definitely cursed.

    Reefpod: reefpod.png
    I like smoothies! I like crunchy things! I do not like seawater though. I am definitely NOT a fan of seawater.

    Verdict: Chronic dehydration/10

    Thorn fruit: thornfruit.png

    Looks dry and chalky. It also comes with convenient toothpicks after you're done with your meal! I don't like how it can be repurposed into an explosive device however.

    Verdict: 2/10

    Toxictop: toxictop.png

    Looks like a radish, but is probably very toxic too. I mean, I'm not that big a fan of radishes, so I think I'll skip out on this one.

    Verdict: not trying my luck/10

    Wartweed: wartweed.png

    Yes! Wartweed! Don't mind the gross name, this plant can grow literally anywhere! It's like a potato, but better! As for taste, it's probably a bit bitter, but with some proper seasoning and tasty filling you could probably make a mean baked wartweed.

    Verdict: 10/10

    God help me...
  2. ZachChase

    ZachChase McDonald's Happy Meal Gold Donator

    Jun 26, 2017
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    Other: Can't be abandoned by somebody who never cared in the first place.
    ThatCabbage and TrIpTiCuS like this.
  3. wango

    wango New Arrival

    Oct 22, 2020
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    i would e at neonmelon every day stg
    TrIpTiCuS likes this.
  4. SilverGallium

    SilverGallium No-Bark Noonan Impervium Donator

    Jun 27, 2017
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    Y'know I'd actually really like lore on common produce in GC's setting, I sometimes have my characters reference common Starbound crops like the ones above but since I don't know anything about how rare/expensive/safe they would be, it always feels awkward.