//Atlas Personnel Log: Emperor Aleksandr

Discussion in 'Diaries & Captain's Logs' started by Markus Aleksandr, Apr 6, 2021.

  1. Markus Aleksandr

    Markus Aleksandr The Liberated Bronze Donator

    Jun 26, 2017
    Likes Received:
    >Local Time (Olympus): 0955
    >Status: Reviewing the state of affairs.
    >Mood: Overwhelmed?

    While I should be concentrating all my efforts on rebuilding and improving the Atlas home world, I also feel it prudent to take stock of my own condition on at least a semi-regular basis: I need to be able to compare notes down the road, keep myself grounded.

    I don't think it's possible for any one soul to predict how I should be feeling right now. It sounds presumptuous, borderline pretentious, but I feel it to be true: I am, after all, under a very complex set of conditions and constraints. Physically, socially and spiritually, I'm in very alien territory, and I cannot properly put to words how I feel about all of this.

    Still, for my own sake, I need to try.

    Physically, I'm still trying to adapt to this situation with my body: I'm left wondering if it's even possible for me, as I am now, to ever have fluid control over this concept. Being in the highest seat of authority over an Empire is restrictive enough as it is, but I need to be even more selective of where I can and can't go because of this body. There's something stifling about that: and I worry that those I must rely on to go out into the world on my behalf will come to resent me or, worse yet, that I may come to envy them.

    Socially, I think the history books will do a far better job of noting just how precarious everything is, overall. But for myself, I don't know what I was expecting when I showed back up on the world stage, but I know it wasn't to be wholly inundated with people wanting something from me: between Arjun, Rose, Vittoria, I can only wonder if I would ever hear from someone that wanted to visit Me and not the Emperor. No, that's not entirely true: Xexanoth has always been there for me, and Dave, God help him, always treats me with decency in his own way. I guess it's the fear of constantly needing to be 'On' for every single social interaction that's got me worried.

    Spiritually? I've never been well-versed in the sciences, and never had the drive or need to pursue them. That said, I had always wondered, I guess from a philosophical point of view, where the part that made me 'me' existed in my organic brain. Now, as this synthetic thing, capable of taking on most any form with free reign of how I wish to perceive the reality around me, that question has only gotten harder to answer. Between all the zeroes and ones that mesh together to form my consciousness, which ones are so critical that I would vanish were they to be tampered with? Are they all so critical? Maybe a question for Dave: he might be able to point me in the right direction without getting judgmental or believing I may be under some crisis.

    Someone else wants my attention, now. I think I've gone at this long enough for one entry.

    Over and out, me.

    --Markus Aleksandr
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