//A wristpad full of journals

Discussion in 'Diaries & Captain's Logs' started by Alias, Apr 11, 2018.

  1. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    //The beaten and nearly defunct piece of tech hums to life on inspection, a neon blue UI displaying an extremely basic menu. The "logs" section draws the curious, an array of dated entries available to be opened. Most of the early ones are completely incoherent, the earliest readable one being titled simply "850406"//

    [Initializing…]
    [Please enter username.]
    >Bllue
    [Error. User not found.]
    [Please enter username.]
    >Blue
    [Please enter password.]
    >*********
    [Incorrect password.]
    [Please enter password (1/3)]
    >*******
    [Please enter action.]
    >Create
    [Incorrect syntax. Usage: Create <?> (textlog) (audiolog) (vidlog) (user)]
    >Create textlog
    [Creating…]

    lemonade. i icried over lemonade today, and i couldn’t even siay why. maybe because it tbrought back such old memwories. old memories, iold faces. i still miss them, every onee of themo, i wish they were here. i don’t know why i’m bhteoring with logs again, fi’ll either delete them or losqe them again. judst like my damn photos. everything disappears with time except for scars, damn fit. damn everything. i can already tell that these will just be full of rambling, but i guess that works. i can’t exavctly talk out my feelings with anyone. ha. fuck mme.

    first log on thsi thing, woohuoo. give me a miedal or something. speaking of log,s if you’re reading this you’re either me, someone i trusted until right now – however few of you there are, or i’m dead. seems more and more likely all the tim,e that last one. i’d be lying if li said it didn’t terrify me. so many infesteddaround now.

    coming back was ia mistake. but i can’t exactly go anywhere else can i? stupid. i’m stupid, this bunker is stupind, i hate it i hate being alone it hurts. can’t trust myself with a pet. ei’d probably spazz and hurt it and i couldn’t live with myself. not aqgain.

    no, i’m clean now, i caxn handle it. i nonly wake up in terrors sometimes. ii could get a dog. a cat? something that can take care of ittself. if i die. if i don’t come back. tlike everyone else.

    i miss wmy fdriends. i want to move o.n my memory’s so bad now, it was nevegr good but now i can’t remember my owbn name sometimes. im’ scared. if i lose my list, i’ll forget thrie names. i can’t even remembwer what some of them looked like. maybe i shoould fourget, move on. no, not move on. stop mourning. i’ve made pa few new friends? maybe they’rll stay alive. maybe ill’ die first.

    i cn’t bury anyone else.

    >End log
    [Enter filename]
    >Log 850406
     
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  2. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    [Initializing…]
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    >Blue
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    >*******
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    >Create textlog
    [Creating…]


    Pride. The things that happen bvecause of fucking pride. Misha got her brains blown out… god, years ago. Funny that all I can remember is hre name and those seconds, nothing else. We were good friends. “The cash and the phones, now, or I’ll fucking paint the wall with your brains.” and we did. “The shoes too.” and she says “fucking make me.” Bang.

    I’m surprised I remmember it so clearly. I fucked uop my head with drugs not long aftre, and I only got clean, for good this time, recently. It is for good this time. No matrter wghat. I may as well put the gun in my moiuth then. I won’t pput my friends throughg that. I won’t judst die on them.

    Idiot.

    THatt’s what I”m doing zanyawy. it’s whyI signed yup gfor this thsing, this… order.An orphanage, dogni good ikn the galaxy; righting wrongsf, saving cjhildren from fucked up places. yeah rihgt. yOu’re a coawrd blue. you pickepd a cause you thought might be whtro dying for, something that owuld maoke them remember you as a hero anxd not the STUPID BITCH yoiu are. YoRue’ a li,ar and A COEWARDD, AMD A a bibgot, you shoulmd have died yrearse ago but you’re too damn sdcared! And wbhat thme hell are you mdoing now? bBuilding up hpoes ni people, beingn ice to thgem, hopnig someaone tyou make friends with will actually stick arobund anjd for what? yo’rue just trying to gwo off and die some way that peopzle will oremember yuo. well yfuck wyou. yoqu caun change eertvyhing buxt what you aree. but oyu knowe. Iknow. nothing is going to change.

    Jjust have to see whto dies nexdt and hoipe it’s you.

    >End log
    [Enter filename]
    >Log 850411
     
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  3. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    [Initializing…]
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    [Creating…]

    Ive’ bjeen wondering something for a while no.w Is there an afterlife? is there as god, or gods, or qwhatever the fuck passes for one? if there is, this is a message

    You have some fucking sense of hmumor yoiu omniporettn bastard.

    I was alone for a reasobn! that man, whoever he was, was nice company. quiet qas I am. Thfen – no, i won’t complain, it’s always niec to see a ifrend. but then the crowd came and it, no, I started to feel crowded. No udh you pfucking moron that’s what a crowd *does. you stupid slef pitying bitch.

    Belle wanted to do the shooting competetion thren. I should’ve saud no. whatever, i didn’t, afnd – right. that hyto. i don’t know if yi hate them for what tvhey said or ebecause they were right. some maksnrma i amo, can’t even throw a can five meters into a bin. Belle’s much bettyer than I am. maybe at my hbest i could have matched her, maybe when i was doing pistol driolls every other day, but not now. probably not again if thesie shakes keep going.

    I think they might even be gettign worse. my head aches more often now, i think thers’e ca problem with my old implant. a new promblem i mean, not that it doesn’t fucking work. that means i have to pick a doctor. and be unconciene. uncontsatn. fuck it i know whart i mwan. the atlas doctors wmree nice, but.. I”ve heard rumors. Can you trust tehm Blue? I don’t know, can i?

    What am i typing, where am i giong with this?

    Shooting competition.

    Belle ywas great, I – well I hit the aertgt at least. good to know uI can still hit something less hthan ten meters away, you shaking wreck of trash heap fuc.k nothing feels rigt,h my gaun sits weird in my hand, and now you’re making excuses. bad excuses.

    No. i just need to stop shaking, uand put ibn some time at the range. yeah. that’s probably it.

    I need money. I need to put myself togeher.t that’s my goal. stop getting off track.

    I met someone else, she signs. Phonesha. Phonica? HhhhhHHHH WHY CAN’T I SPELL. STUPID STUPID IDIOT. Anyway she signs! And uses a plamsa riflle. Plasma. Rifle. Learn. To. Spell. Put me on esge. Then talking… she’s between jobds. Jobs. I can relate. They got to talking and the topic went to relying on family… Family. Heh. Ahe, hahahaha. I don’t even know if I want to talk about it with myself.

    I miss my girls. Do they miss me? Does it matter? I’m all but dead to them. One of them is off on her own, she’s married now, and the other… she probably doesn’t even remember me. It’s for the best blue. You’re a terrible mother. You can’t even tajke care of yourself.

    Is that all I do? I just pity mmyself. What about all the harm I’m doing to people around me? I get so angry sometimes, or confuswed. I almost hit that tri… stop. Stop doing that, stop throwing around those slurs. You’re better than that. For fucks sake you have hylotl friendds, how would they feel? I almost hit that hylotl. Not the first time… I almost stabbed my frirend, remember? She let me have a place to stay and I repaid it by trying to fucking murder her. I don’tt know if I can ever forgive myself for that. Even confised…. No. No more pity, stop dsredging up the past. Move forward. Be better. I’m going to trry.

    >End log
    [Enter filename]
    >Log 850413
     
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  4. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    [Initializing…]
    [Please enter username.]
    >Blue
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    >*******
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    >Create textlog
    [Creating…]
    Quet. Quet? Quiet. I’ve been keeoping quiet. Not that way, I mean to myself. I’ve been staying at my place. Taking care of my pl;ants. They’re not so bad when they aren’t tryuing to kill you.

    Belle canme over and helped me clean up, it feels so much niver. Niceer. Fuck it. Actually got me a mirror, wanted to get me rufgs for the concrete. I said no of coourse. I don’t want to step on her toes. But we spent some time cleaning after I cooked, and acfter… right.

    You cried your eyes out, remember? It was just a song. But she sang it so wel;. Just, everytghing. Sstop neing such a sadsack, move on, positivity remember? Stop moping about your vopivve VOICE. Can’t even spell vcoice. Stay positive.

    Hey, she liked your coojking. Mo,m’s hybrids finally working for good. I shouldf think about what she said, cooking sells out here,. Ha, maybe I could go tto cul… food school. But me and knifes don’t mix. No. That’s not rihgt. Knives and I? I think. I hhate my – no. positive. I could give it a job. Try. Words. It’s all jjust words. Words wrodds wprds. What do ywords mean? wHat’s the point? No. bnap. figure it out ttomorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    //The letters repeat for several pages.//
    [Low battery!]
    [Critical battery!]
    [Saving work as log: 850418]
    [Shutting down...]
     
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  5. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    [Initializing…]
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    losing track od time in tedious day tod ay chores. Hvan’t been tmessaging people as often as I should. Probably for the best with my rtack record. People I’m close to end up hurt, though it thankfully hasn’t happened yet/. Gotta write this all out before I forget it, everything is so disjointed. Tall dark and scarf-y came over for a visit and brought bread, very thoughtful. It was good, the company, the food too. I’m surprised at how over time I got so secluded again.

    You should message Belle again, it’s been a little while. Maybe. No, I should. I should.

    I’m worried about my implant. Sti;; broken and my head is hurting more often than it isn’t now, my memory’s gotten worde. Talked about getting it fixed with Xex. Fuck. Can’t rremember her full name right now. Can’t rember what ha[[ened after we left the hot spring either. I think we takled about getting my implant ficed? What happened first though, I think we went for a walk, then to the spring, then ate? No we didn’t, that was someone else. God my head is killing me. I need it fixed soon, but i’m too fucking afraid to be

    fuck it, “not awakw” with a dr poking aroumd in my head. Scary to think about being defenseless like that. I think I asked people to stay with me while I had it done though. Did I ask two people? Archer and Xex? I dont’ know.

    Been trying some target practice though, remember inviting Belle over to shoot rifles. Should do that soon. I’m getting better! I might be as good as I used to be thouhg it is going to take a while.

    To do-

    Msg Belle

    talkt o Atlas drs.

    Go shooting w/Belle

    Find that synthesizer necklace / get one like the one Viv had. That should help with getting a voice back.

    Maybe I should get something nice for myself too, or eat out or something. Cooking all the time is getting tedious.


    OH I FORGOT
    being given a second chance. I might be able to make up for satbbing her – no, almost stabbing. Stabbed myself instead like a idiot. But I need to be on my best. Soon. Fix my implant very verr soon.

    >End log
    [Enter filename]
    >Log 850413
     
  6. Alias

    Alias New Arrival

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    [Initializing…]
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    [Creating…]

    Sittitting in the Atlas waiti – not the waitig roomit’s adifferent room. This gown is cold/. getting surgeyr to fix my impnt soon. It’s really busy though so I need to wati but that;s ok. I have some messages typed up and ready to sennnd to people. Kind of scared right nw. I shound ave come alone. It was stipid.

    Should be able to tlak aftr this though, I got a necklce that can synnthetize voisounds.

    Gofd my head hurts. Waana go home.

    I need to stay and get fixesd. The dr said it would be a while, maube I should sleep. Get some rest befor e everything.

    >End log
    [Enter filename]
    >Log 850519