Penumbra Zone

Discussion in 'Diaries & Captain's Logs' started by Penumbra Pioneer, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Is this Old Hubert's
    Some people are nuts. They will shoot you without a warning - or even a good reason. I don't want to die anymore, damn it. It's getting worse.
    She was supposed to be my future, a piston pushing forward - she stopped.
    He swore to protect me - he stabbed me in the back.
    I will forge my confidence in carbon steel.

    No one called
    Everything is where I left it
    Nothing has changed
    All in order

    I haven't spoken a word in days
    Except for cursing the leaking pneumatics

    A bed all alone in the room
    An empty space where a table should be
    Some flowers on the wall
    A bathroom mirror covered in spit

    My desire was to make this a nice place to live
    And I have failed - as I wanted to fill this dead empty space with a life

    All this time on my hands
    And I have nowhere to go
    Haunted by the duties of solitary life
     
    TurnWall and Lange like this.
  2. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    A world without you
    So this is it, finally. At this point I relax while working; rest is tormenting me with thoughts of past. But there's nothing else to think about.
    I tell myself that there's no need to care about opinions of people who hurt me - I have proven them wrong in many ways and yet they still blindly repeat the same arguments, stating how stubborn and dense I am. As if stabbing me was my fault.
    Only self-discipline will undo the twists and raise you patient, brave and loving. And you will be rewarded.
    Might and glory to the heroes.

    A subterranean thrust
    Of the the morning star seed
    Behold as she once again gives birth
    Behold as she once again destroys

    Behold the howling winds
    Behold the ardent wife
    Her glamor can gap your heart
    Her eye can burn the fields
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2020
  3. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Chest full of my life
    So I've been going through the old stuff today. It always helps. My mom's sunglasses are still there - so aversion to light must be a family thing, I guess. And my ID card. I regret scratching the info so much; I was so paranoid. There are also my first welding goggles - one lens fell out. Oh, the irony. And my first bike keys.. Almost as if from another world. Empty monopus plushie bag, still smells of my dad. At least I think so. The radiation band - the red is slowly fading. Picture of me when I was little - not much different. Except the smile. Packet of protoweiss seeds - you would never expect flowers to look like that. Must plant it somewhere at new home. Dad's toolbox - solid but rusty stuff. I remember when I once bolted and riveted bunch of flattened soda and beer cans together. Mom wasn't amused.
    And there's bunch of items I remember nothing about.
    Yet.

    But what will they mean, after I'm gone?
     
    Nemo likes this.
  4. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Grind the lusnium
    Off to a slow start. Still got some savings to pay the clients with, but I should start making some money soon. And I will. This can only grow.
    As for personal life.. It feels so bad when you can't be with someone you love. Or loved. It feels like dying, like being strangled. It's difficult to breathe. What have I done to deserve this? They left me. I loved them with all my heart. And with heart they must suffer. They can never be frogiven.
    Ought they perish at my hand?

    The embers still scorch when you are gone
    My fire will burn, with you or not
    My desire will overpower

    It's a battle I know I will never win
    But it's a battle I will fight for struggle alone
    Brutal Fringe bring me down again
     
    TurnWall and Cheffu like this.
  5. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Aus ferner Zeit, die verbrannte Wurzel
    I wonder what people I haven't seen for a bit are doing right now? Clint, Nevada, Adelix, Alyx, Tayveen, Quuma..
    Is it possible to fight yourself out of depression alone? What even is depression? Have I experienced it? I don't think I have. I am completely sure the fun is out there and I can have it. There's just nothing to drive me forward. Perhaps something will come, with time.

    I remember Clop Clop
    So long ago
    So much ago
    The place was cold and I was alone, tasting toxins
    Though I would shudder at your sight
    I would still shatter at your touch
     
    Cheffu likes this.