Penumbra Zone

Discussion in 'Diaries & Captain's Logs' started by Penumbra Pioneer, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Mirage of Optimism
    Oh how rough my arrival was. Took me days to set up, thanks to Miss Strahlung and Mister Hagelschauer. My ship won't be needing those engines.. I won't need my ship. Pumps have to work. I need time. I wonder where everyone is?

    Standing on the side of the tunnel I am in awe. It's dark and freezing, the air is cold and clean.
    Stranded I feel tranquil, induced by pacelessness.
    Now the thrill ceases.
    I've waited here for hours.
    I just want to go home.
    I bring my head down, shut my eyes and fall into suspended sleep.
    Joy in crisis is a scam of optimism.
     
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  2. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Crossing the 34th intersection
    I set up an outpost somewhere high. I don't like water. I wish the diving equipment I have was hazmat too. I've got food, water, clothes, tools.. Even weapons. I wonder how they knew about my practices. I left no tracks. And who was it which I took from them? They shouldn't be able to find me there. Perhaps no one ever will. Precaution or paranoia?

    The abandoned windows and muted doors on both sides greet me as I pass.
    Only they would have seen me come this way.
    I see moving scenes from the years gone by.
    I mine my life.
    I wonder if I was being expected at home? Why was I gone?
    Did they miss me? Does anyone miss me now?
    The wide tunnel once dynamic now used for gaining momentum.
    The theme of it all defines my life.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2018
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  3. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Sea of immeasurable waste
    I moved nearly everything inside. There's no signal, though. And the comms got damaged, too.
    There's much more cleaning than I thought there'd be. Well, I gave up on cleaning, right now it's just removing anything that's between me and my 'destination'. And it's rather tiring. But I've got time, I can rest all I want. Not like the previous schedule obligates me to anything.
    Old life still haunts me as I lie down to sleep.. It's a lost chapter, but still I wonder how everyone else is doing. What is he and she doing right now?

    The work elongates.
    Exhausted I make my way back.
    I no longer rest where I used to sleep.
    This strength that resounds in me truly has come at a cost,
    For the rain that cultivates it, was drawn from the sea of immeasurable waste.
    I must forget all the time I have lost,
    For it's the hindsight.. That kills me.
     
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  4. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Lifeline
    It's difficult. I could use some help. I guess that's the price of stubborness. But neither me nor you are innocent.
    You have your red and white, I've got my brown and gray.
    Your grasp of natural technologies has astounded and satisfied me numerous times, but we're both new to the life architecture.

    Damn pipes get clogged all the time.
    Now where did I put my keys?

    We've waited for each other.
    Neither of us would show.
    No agreed place, no planned time.
    Not you nor I.
    No amendments to the lifeline.
     
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  5. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Deluge of arterial pain
    Day after day, the hardship improves me. At least I feel so. But what about the inevitable destruction? I wanted a release, to make justice. Instead I learnt to cook finely, play a piano and collect wine corks to make into things. Desperate and stranded, accompanied by constant cold and smell of sulfur I learnt how to.. Love?

    Alone for too long, or maybe not long enough,
    I wish I could pour heat of love and affection into someone's heart.
    Every day we await inevitable end,
    Enjoying inevitable events.
    We take care of everything,
    Everyone but of each other.
     
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  6. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Stalker
    Oh, I forgot to mention - there isn't anyone. Everyone disappeared just like that. Gone. No traces, no messages. Not even corpses. If there was anyone, I'm sure they'd hear me. For every answer another question is raised. I've came here to recover what's lost. And I got lost.
    And apparently I am not human. And pasta with cottage cheese and sugar is good.

    You wanna break the curse, bitch?


    Lamplight shines on the clothes that lay on a chair.
    It shines on the floor covered in hair.
    It shines on the wall, where for so long
    I have stared.
    As my eyes come into focus,
    I turn to face him.
    He so quietly swarms and hangs out in the air,
    He shines in the light and makes me aware.
    My only, my darling,
    Always by my side, never leaving me.
    Immune to rust.
    My lover, dust.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2018
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  7. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    No destination, only journey
    I've missed two days worth of logs. That's because I had fun! I found something that matched my visions of past that I collect. A machine. One that's more grounded than what I am used to.

    This is all taking me much more time than I had in mind and less than I planned. Ways appear like forks of lightning.
    What should I have for dinner..
    Maybe french fries with chicken.
    And eggs.
    Should I end it all or charge into the potential life full of potential?
    And salad, perhaps?

    All that I have planned would only stand and cast shadows of degradation.
    Years would pass, shadows would remain,
    A reminder of all of my expectations I had to live humbled with.
    My progress immortalized in frost.

    Living without a care is easy.
    Willing to die shows it meant so much you can't go on without it.
    In time satisfaction will leave you unsatisfied.
    Care to feel every moment, a progressive climb will let you enjoy it.

    For me the shadows will remain as a landmark of failure.
    In their shade I will work, building a tower of character.
    One day it will be revealed and it will stand for many years,
    Casting it's own shadow and striking awe in hearts - as will I.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2018
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  8. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Journey To The Stars: Part One
    Aaaand I missed another few days of sanity manifests in form of brief logs. I had more fun, then got more work to do and didn't feel like being person.

    It's not like moons can appear out of nowhere. Must've caught it somehow, somewhere. To the naked eye it's pitch black, its true nature lies in radiation. It is the cause of the climate changes which let me land here, after all. I spend so much time underground I forgot about it.
    God, sometimes I miss people so much.
    I don't remember half the life anyway.
    Or do I?

    The moon was in my eye,
    It blackened my sight,
    It swallowed the stars.

    Pursuing the moon while friends lay in beds,
    I left all else behind and stared into the depths.

    True colors are shining clean.
    Trading the black for the gray, brown and green.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2018
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  9. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Journey To The Stars: Part Due
    Hell, sometimes I want to destroy so much.

    And I've seen some faces flashing in my dreams. Mr. High Frown - please smile. Mr. High Nofrown - I hope you are happy. Even without me. The crowned hylotl, find peace. Red neck.. You are more than your idea. Azure mage - I wonder how you are. And your green friend. Baker, bake her a delicious one. Purplehead - what's inside your purple head? The other purplehead - haven't heard from you in a while. The ravenhair - learn what real love is. Mr. Sensitive and Miss Turnip, staying true to the feeling? Dave, you fool.

    Those of you who know who I am probably know that these logs won't go on forever. Just like me.
    And I should get to know as much as I can before the Finality.
    I am the mastermind Penumbra Pioneer, a crippled mind digging withinself. Is that even a word?

    The moon was my in my I,
    It came through the eye.
    Something became of my mind.

    The sun is shallow, it shines for anyone.
    The lack is loyal only to those who self-define.

    Pursuing the godhood because I can,
    But still tell the misery we will see each other now and again.

    Time will fly as I pursue the power,
    But my past is long and cold.
    And it will wait for me at home.
     
  10. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Tempt of the Ground

    A week has passed since my last log. Busy week.
    I was pumping out what turned out to be the civilian sector. Piping got constantly clogged. I don't yet remember where I've lived.
    Would love to find home, even here among rust and slush. I look like some wild floran right now. I noticed time has been flowing rather quickly since I got here; months passed by on the intense work.
    Explosives are amazing. So much force in such a tiny object.
    I thought I was so young.
    I feel like a stranger.
    I need someone.
    It hurts.

    And who should I live with in my imagination today?

    The sunlight mocks me in every step,
    Like an essence that works for everyone else - but me.
    It shines in places and on people I'll never be and I'll never know.
    I will never feel what it's like.

    So I turn away, trying to escape,
    A gap in the ground, deep and thin.
    That I could hide down in.


    I could fall away and no one would know.
    Release the tension, hold no more.
    Find my place in the shade.
    It's so easy to be satisfied when the piston turns and pushes into earth.

    The Tempt of the Ground
    This dream can come true.
    I can make a deal with the dirt.
    I am through with trying.
    The days are long and I am tired.
    The desire to give up is the motivation in demotivation.
    The great beyond is so exciting.
     
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  11. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Shedding the dead bark

    When you wrap pillows and a blankie around something warm, it kinda feels like a human when you hug it, I think. Also processed, canned food does my body no good. Plus I'm pale like a skeleton. Good thing I remembered about the vitamins.
    Another district clear, needed a few days to switch the pipes. I wonder if they make canned determinaton?

    I can't use it to build my home,
    It will never fulfill my desires.
    Some wood can be used to help build a life.
    This wood will be used for building a fire.

    I knew that my arms could hold out forever,
    It was my mind that'd grow tired,
    And in time it would let go.

    I'd give up all that I started,
    To pursue all that I wanted.
     
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  12. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Art of flight

    Long time no log.
    I've ventured outside to construct a communications tower. Let's just say it works. And I got so many bruises from Hagelschauer you could say I got silver poisoning. And I fell. Extraordinary amounts of effort in a tiny vessel of sentences. Damn moon is making everything difficult. What if I got rid of it?

    Shards of something I used to honour,
    They disrespected and disgraced.
    They took the foundations,
    And rubbed it in my face.

    They missed my point.
    I will keep my motives to myself. My thoughts. My opinions.
    Exactly what they want.
    No understanding.
    Differences unsolved.

    Yesterday I was up high, I took the step.
    I had wings of a bird.
    Suddenly something grabbed and pulled me down.
    The last scream, the swan's song.

    To me these stars are but a galaxy of metaphors,
    And nothing more.
    A path through the nebulæ of my past.
    At a time when I could take no more,
    I was dragged across the starry sky.

    These halls are full of hope.
    These halls are where I walk alone.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
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  13. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Cherenkov blues

    During an expedition outside I have stumbled upon a valley surrounded by tall and sharp rock formations which shield it from harsh weather, maintaining a moderate peace. If I had to construct a radar dish, it would be most likely there.
    There's one problem though - it is filled with freezing cold mist. While this wouldn't be much of an issue to the hardware, it might prove difficult for me.

    It's been nearly half a year since I left. And no one reached out to me. I guess that sums me up.

    Did I switch on the missile silo pumps on?

    The welcoming sun may soothe your pain,
    As you escape to bask in its rays.
    But you'll still come home to drown in me,
    Or at least where I used to be.

    I will glare brighter than the day you left me!
     
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  14. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Ghosts of past years

    Radar is up.
    Orange light makes me feel so old. I haven't had chocolate in a while. Weeks pass by on pumping, cleaning and fixing. Fighting exhaustion is dangerous. And tiring. I miss everyone so much sometimes I feel like I am having hallucinations, wishing to see someone.

    Apparently having depleted local close-to-surface 92-U deposits, they took upon 90-Th exploitation and tapped into the lower mantle for heat in an amusing synthesis. Perhaps the recent climate 'anomalies' are related to it. There is still a part of surface yet unmapped, undiscovered, unknown, haunted by an endless storm. I will look for more files. So glad the archives sectors are mostly intact.
    Is my mind?

    Missing something that's gone forever shows how much that meant to you

    In hindsight, the best and worst periods of my life could coincide

    It is a talent of the mind
    To discover the joys in pain
    Thinking of people you long for
    Knowing you'll never meet them again

    And though they are far behind me
    I can still hear them speaking
    As if they were right beside me
    Tempting my comfort in longing
     
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  15. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    The End of July


    NucleoThermal
    │ [...] synthetically accelerated emission on parent radionuclide led to increase in
    │ abundance of geothermal energy [...]
    │ [...] that being linked allows for control over continous conduction of thermal energy [...]

    │ [...]
    │ Old power profiles:
    ├ -┬ U-Fuled Light-Water reactor
    │⠀├ U fuel rods
    │⠀├ 250t of U = 1 GW
    │⠀└ Water coolant (Emergency dump tanks)
    ├ -┬ UTh Seed/Blanket reactor
    │⠀├ U/Th oxide rods
    │⠀├ 177t of U + 4.6t of Th = 1 GW
    │⠀└ Water coolant (Emergency dump tanks)
    ├ -┬ Liquid FTh reactor
    │⠀├ Th + UF solution
    │⠀├ 1t of Th = 1 GW
    │⠀└ No coolant (self regulating)
    │ [...]


    I tried getting into the power production sector in the industrial district, but it turns out the outer tunnels have literally been molten shut. Is this why literally everyone is gone? What scale does this have?

    On a highway road
    Under the bleak sky
    Fields of nothing
    At my sides
    The end of July
    And into August
    I stood at the edge
    And watched the storm


    A year from now I will be so far away.
     
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  16. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Deepest roots

    About the unexplored part - I will be making my way there. I've lost too many drones to the storm. I am preparing the supplies.

    I cannot cope with the loneliness, but the inability to carry out any real humanoid contact drives me forward. I must remember to put any remaining effort into the research.

    The feel of cold, the black of space, the white of snow
    Walking home, the smell of smoke
    These are the memories of my youth


    My blues are so dark - they are black
    The roots - buried so deep in the past
    See my roots, for they are true
    Feel my blues, for they are real

    Seldom seen, a pain token
    My heart was my compass
    And it was broken
     
  17. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Under the Mountains of Madness

    jarnverk.png

    I dug this grave for myself, but I'd gladly kick those motherfuckers inside
    They're standing between me and the hole, after all

    I've heard enough words, seen enough deeds
    There's no need to explain anything
    They're not a mystery to me

    Can't you feel the ignorance, from these rotten men?
    Unfortunatelly, I can

    I will hold the damn grudge, like a fist!
    I can hold the fucking grudge, for as long as I live!
    Go ahead, waste your time!
    Suffer!
     
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  18. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    At Regretyard

    After many brave, yet failed attempts to conquer and penetrate the storm directly head-on (getting your bruises bruised is a rather unpleasant experience), I have decided that digging tunnels through snow several meters below surface is more efficient. Days passed by on mundane yet dangerous snow excavation. At any time I can be buried alive under snow with all my equipment and supplies. At least it doesn't count as drowning. Or does it? I am so glad I brought fish oil and other vitamin supplements. And shaving equipment. I can clearly recall getting the monopus plushie from my father. I was so thankful that I kept it in the transparent package I got it in, though I opened it like a year ago, persuaded by a friend. We didn't produce any soft organic fabric like that here at home (we had clothes woven out of metal. Yes, even underwear. It's not that bad), so it was kind of expensive. I had not opened it sooner because I knew about it, even though my dad wanted me to. I wish I did; I wish I could see his expression as he saw me hugging it joyously. But I did not. Instead, I hugged it with tears on my face, years later, accompanied by a significant person who isn't there anymore.

    I would aspire to a better life
    To feed my eyes, to expand the mind
    I would lie awake
    I could not wait
    To leave my past behind

    As old shops will shut their doors
    Other ones might change their names
    My old friends still live their lives
    Where I would die of shame

    You say that you grew up
    You say that you tried
    I say you gave up
    I say you died

    You'll say that you're content
    You'll say 'I don't regret'
    But I think you took the easy way out
    For if you're not asleep anymore
    You are already dead

    Your Fringe town is just a burial mound
    Kicking over the stone that bears your name
    I spit on the snow that covers your grave
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
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  19. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    Modern life can drive us to scream for the trees - in sanity
    It's been a while.

    I feel like there's no right choice. But I made some nonetheless. We'll see how many recognize me. Not like that'd matter - I am in love. And I am defended. And I am in shade. I also lost the arm somewhere, apparently. I checked both the storage and the workshop. I might have left it at the saltpeter mine. Don't drink too much, guys.

    Ripping apart the valley of pykrete
    Through a storm of wood and ice
    Where electrons blasted the Iron Gap, I ride
    Highways 17 and 69

    I am equal parts blood and ice
    I am just as much man as tree
    Through turmoil and solitude I race
    To become this divine being

    Focused and sharp, without a distraction, I look ahead
    No one to talk me out of what I believe
    Without feedback, I proceed.
    I was all on my own and alone to decide
    I found faith - inspired by nature
    And I was defined.

    On this northern highway, under the starless sky
    Mine was a cold, nocturnal, windy ride

    And in the distance, a stranger flashed his lights..
     
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  20. Penumbra Pioneer

    Penumbra Pioneer New Arrival

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    You think I'm a robot?
    I forgot explaining the expedition - I think I know what happened, more or less. This is a brief summary

    [​IMG]

    I managed to breach the storm and was greeted with a 'pit'. A hole approximately 500 kilometers deep below the crust, about 50 meters in diameter. That is where we got the power from. A 500 kilometer journey for the natural nuclear steam. My assumption is - once the orbit caught the moon, it came so close that it caused significant fluctuations in the gravitational field. This must've caused failure of the power plant - and there's only one thing that could come after that - fall of the Iron Gap (as it was called, more or less) infrastructure. Literal, 500km fall. The shaft acted as a rather long rifle barrel, propelling whatever there was up and through the kilometer or two of soil and ice, shooting clean through it, as if uncorking a bottle. Except it crashed the city in the process, though it had molten shut the tunnels, saving most of the structural integrity of the city.. And there's still warmth escaping through it, which is definitely why the weather went nuts, as my 'friends' would say. Specific friends I made there after feeling too lonely. They're ceiling chairs. Henry was so annoying. I painted his backrest in strichmuster pattern.

    We sat on the roof, we stared at the stars
    What good is any of it now?
    What good are memories with no one to sit beside me?
    What good are memories if those I made them with despise me?
    These were the moments of my life that called on years of silence

    I couldn't go back, I'd go a separate way and never tell anyone

    I knew the risks - I was willing to take them
    So I went through with it and it would forever change me
    I was the one who felt desperate to live
    I was the one who'd let my heart beat itself to death