Thread title. Looking for feedback. Been here... what, 1 2/3 months now, since first post on the Discord, it's been. Speak, tell me what a cunt I truly am. No holds barred. Criticism welcome. Slap me across the face with reality if you have unkind words, I am all ears.
alright get ready for a blasting so I haven't RPed with you that much since I only started RPing here again a month or so ago at most, but as a GC OG RPer I hold the right to criticize you over your actions and sins anyway (this is a joke) hem hem so you're a really nice guy to hang around with, I don't have an issue with your person at all but what kinda bothers me is your RP. it's uh... how do I put it... lazy? like, I always see you doing one-liners with barely any meat to them at all. that kinda bothers me, since I like putting more effort into my posts, unless I'm butt-fuck tired, and seeing someone reply with a "yeah." and nothing else is kinda... demoralizing. it also sometimes gets kinda repetitive, like... a couple days ago, we were RPing with Naru, Ki'a and Ry, and you sorta just had Ry hugging Ki'a over and over and over. you uh, don't really need to write that stuff down all the time. if you've got nothing new to add to the RP, you should probably just... not say anything - offense intended of course. now don't get me wrong, this is not just you, a few other people do this (looking at you turnwall) but I wish it just... didn't happen. or at least, not as much. *old man voice* back in my day people would constantly spit out text walls and in my opinion the overall RP quality in GC has kinda... decreased. maybe I'm just making up shit in my mind, however that's what it seemed like to me. in any case, I enjoy RPing with people who make meatier posts, if you can't do that it's fine I won't stop RPing with you but if you did it, I'd certainly find it more fun and enjoyable to do so. also plan out your events better you fuck I'm still disappointed with the Homefront First conflict damn you charles madrid
First I'm gonna say that I like all the characters of yours I've seen so far and I think they have some pretty well-rounded dialogue and good initial designs. I like that you've been going after some of the more obscure races. I genuinely don't think I've actually seen a fenerox character in GC before, even though their lore has been there for ages. Overall I think you're a pretty good and thoughtful RPer, which is why I'm eager to give criticism– I think you'll make good use of it. As for the actual criticism: I think you've sort of fallen into a really common RP trap a friend once called the "kitchen sink" character approach. It's where a character grabs everything but the kitchen sink. Artifacts, powers, augments and mutative viruses– if it seems cool, the character will obtain it and flaunt it. (For example, if I remember correctly, Dox has psionics, Visitant symbiosis, vampyrism, blood nanomachines, a redsteel sword, a spell matrix, an exo suit and robot eyes) This is fine in some cases if the character is greedy or has some other reason to hoard stuff. But I think it can become a bit of a problem when it lacks direction.. you end up cramming a dozen different independently interesting things into one character, and it gets messy. A human character is fine. Add the shifter virus and you have a shifter character, which is also fine. Give them a unique undercrypt sword and you have a shifter with a cool sword- all cool, that can work. But then don't give them Velzee's skin, Visitant implants, psionics and laser optics after that. The character's design becomes cluttered and confusing and, ironically, loses any uniqueness it may have had before. That, and those augments often have consequences, which I think most "kitchen sink" characters tend to forget. Visitant limbs, for example, are cool, but they're also very dangerous. Not only are Visitant bodily fluids acid (bad news if your arm gets cut), but the implications of having an alien creature wired up to your nervous system should give even the most open-minded Fringer pause. Alpha are passive, but they aren't friendly and the average Fringer has no idea how they work. God forbid you get a sapient Visitant inserted next to your brain– what if you don't get along? What if you get into an argument? What if it wants to hurt you? Sure, the surgeons say that Visitant symbiosis is safe, but are they really that trustworthy? There are similar issues with the Vampyr virus. Imagine spending the rest of your life as a walking biohazard, completely barred from any form of physical intimacy with people that aren't inorganic or infected. Even if you love the advantages of Vampyrism, the isolation that comes with it is something you have to cope with. My suggestion is review all the cool stuff your characters have right now and figure out what fits their central theme, then fully explore the (potentially horrifying) implications of the stuff you want to keep. (You don't have to void anything– at one point /Dave/ had Visitant symbiosis, but he got it removed because I didn't think it fit, and he ICly hated it. It was a voice-box replacement and it screamed in his voice when the surgeon cut it out of him. Fun stuff.) Have your character regard their more arcane augments/alterations with uncertainty. Flinch when they 'hear' their Alpha. Frown when someone mentions psionics, etc. I hope this ramble wasn't confusing or rude. I put some extra effort into this post because you're not the only person who has this problem. It's actually pretty common in GC right now– hopefully making a big post about it will help.
YOU CUT ME SHORT YOU UNHOLY QUADRUPED!!!11!!!1 In seriousness though, that was actually really annoying and I'm 100% up for and pushing for a re-do of the encounter. I understand you were tired and tbh it was kinda a bad moment. I jumped to do it too quickly because I got excited. But uh yeah. On what Dorfus said, yeah, posts are kinda small. I don't really mind when it comes to slice of life stuff but when it's larger things then yeah. Don't do that. Just personally. On what Pink said. Also yes. All that shit should be weaved into their story, not just extra cool shit for the sake of cool shit and it shouldn't be the only part of their story either. I echo what Pink said in that uh, review it. Maybe have a moment of contemplation - she's collecting all this stuff and for what? Is she really herself anymore? What purpose does all this serve? Do the ends justify the means? How far is she willing to go? All questions she could ask herself. A criticism that applies but is not limited to you would be flaunting shit. So much. "Dude check out this cool thing I can do." It ceases to be anything of significance and just becomes another party trick. Reactions feel inorganic. I understand it, I've been there! There's a rush to play with all the cool toys because they're so cool. I did it with Lorette and have managed to pull her out of it somewhat, but the impact of it still lingers. Just my two cents. P.S: You're still cool.
Regarding Dorfus' criticisms: I don't have a defense, excuse or reason for that. I just... get lazy sometimes, and I'm aware of it. I like to put effort in, but it's... frankly, exhausting to do so constantly. It's something I've needed to work on for some time now. Also, uh - yeah, Homefront Civil War was really short. I did not expect it to be that short, because I did not expect a Charles fucking Madrid. For Pink's criticisms, and Teld as well since his unique criticisms expand on it a bit: That's Dox. The kitchen sink problem is a Dox thing specifically, it's actually a huge character trait for her. The loss of uniqueness it comes with is on purpose - she wants to cut ties with the idea of her being Fenerox, or any organic race. She's looking to blur the lines between what she is and whatever she might become, so she can exist as "Dox, the vaguely feminine entity with a moral code and no biology to tie her down", not as "Dox, the Fenerox". The blurring effect is the goal - not the downside. Ry doesn't do that, Crimson doesn't do that, none of my other characters do that. Her blood mage augments leave her EMP-vulnerable, the way I'm playing them - they basically cause a three-turn stun like a synth, with flavor text to accompany, and a lasting minor headache, while also permanently deactivating her nanites. She is aware of this EMP vulnerability, and sees it as a downside worth working around. The redsteel sword she hardly uses, the spell matrix I didn't even seek out actively, and her eyes haven't arrived yet as far as I'm aware. Regarding her Visitant arm, I was told (granted, by somebody who is not in charge of the Visitant, but who does play a Visitant and who I believe has had characters with bonded Visitant in the past) somebody else would poke in sometime to play her whispers. If that isn't the case, I'll start applying them myself, and she will hate the feeling and regard it with uncertainty as she should. Regarding the feeling of isolation for her Vampyrism - she's managed to avoid that by having a Vampyr partner. I would be having Dox's teleport ruin her life to a degree, but I got jerked around the second I got the teleport pushed through. Some people telling me I was going too quick with it. Others telling me I was going unrealistically slow because she had someone training her. Everyone saying I shouldn't use it the way I intended, to avoid pulling the spotlight away from others. It's actually been a bit of a problem for me, because I'm a bit afraid of letting down the people who vouched for me and helped me get the app pushed through. I intended to use it a specific way - it has been a lot tamer than intended, and I don't want it to be. The teleport was going to be Dox's slap in the face, the realization she probably shouldn't be chasing cool toys the way she does. That was going to be the moment she reviews the fuckery she's taken on, and realizes some of it probably wasn't worth it - it was going to hit the brakes on her a bit. The "hey cool toy check this out" thing is also a very Dox thing to do. Dox likes her new toys. As above - the teleport was originally going to be the bad one, the one that immediately made her hit the brakes and reconsider this behavior. It was going to be the wake-up call she needed. The Visitant arm can also be part of the wake-up call, to a degree - and will be a good bit less controversial on a larger scale, because it doesn't draw the spotlight as much. It will be more than a little unnerving - and I'm not sure how Dox is going to react to it long-term. Ah - also. Teld, we'll redo that encounter sometime in the next week or so, sometime I'm not brain-dead and wanting to rush it.
Oh god dammit, another honest thoughts thread- wait, this one’s actually genuine. Huh. Nice. Joking aside, I don’t have much basis for criticism considering I’m not on server much, but from what I’ve seen through discord, especially in Renaize, you’ve got some pretty interesting characters. Keep building on those, and like past criticisms here, everything in moderation. Kitchen sink bad.
