Polypha

Discussion in 'Denied' started by babobeebo, Aug 27, 2017.

  1. babobeebo

    babobeebo call me nick!! (thats me name!!!) Ex-Staff Gold Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    31
    The Pitch
    Beetle-resembling subterranean mask makers with an interesting view on natural selection.


    The Snapshot
    The Polyphi are a species most comparable to beetles. After maturing enough to leave the soil, the Polypha grow a tough exoskeleton, even tougher on their backside, and are generally very broad. Possessing six limbs, they have two thick legs to carry their great weight, two primary arms and a set below that used to travel on foot more quickly, especially when it comes to navigating up the walls of their cave cities. Under the back of their tough shell, they posses a pair of light wings. Many species are naturally too heavy to fly (though the occasional breed may be capable of such with enough conditioning), most use their wings in strategic ways, utilizing the immense speed of their wings in many alternative ways. Most every Polypha looks different in appearance, all dependant on their heritage. Some Polyphi are larger and tougher, with large mandibles to boot, while others may lack mandibles and be smaller than the average. Due to this, a sprawling Polyphan city will be extremely varied, despite greatly lacking in immigration from other species. The growth of a beetle starts from an egg laid in soil, which slowly grows from a larvae after hatching, and into a pupa. Eventually, once an exoskeleton and shell are formed, the Polypha will emerge from the soil. When Polyphi grow, as does their mind, which is an important piece of their societies governing. Polyphi live on an average of 150 years, though this can range as you get more and less hearty families.


    Polyphi reproduce sexually, copulating as per normal to produce a large quantity of eggs. However, they have rather unconventional methods of propagation. Eggs, once laid, are gathered up all at once and shipped out of the cities. Spread out into the wilderness and buried, where the larvae hatch after several weeks. Many are eaten by predators or die due to harsh conditions. Once hatched, Larval Polyphi resemble big worms. Typically omnivorous, these grubs spread out throughout the wildlands. Aboveground, caverns and subterranean forests, eating each other, other animals and plants. Molting quickly. They do this for about a decade, during the end of which they also metamorph into a secondary stage. The second stage of a Polyphi's life is extremely important. Here, they resemble adults. Though with several obvious physiological differences that make them easily recognizable. This stage of life is the make-or-break moment for a Polypha. They've either gone through enough physical and mental growth to integrate into society, or end up remaining wild, feral animals. Eating and hunting. If a Polypha is capable of rational thought after their metamorphosis, they seek out their villages and settlements. Returning home and becoming part of society. Due to the way they're raised, a Polypha will not know its parents. Genealogy is not seen as important, and newly inducted members of Polyphan society are simply given adoptive parents or become wards of the state. Wild Polypha are not considered people, and hunters foray out into the wild to hunt them. They're animals to just be hunted, though not farmed. Making up a large portion of the ecosystems, the existence of feral Polypha is necessary as a food source.


    Polyphi that are inducted into society are given plain masks to don, made of an extremely solid material. Difficult to break unintentionally. These masks are seen as the symbols of civility. The main thing separating ferals and Polypha are their masks. Masks are only permitted to be removed in the comfort of one's home, and taking one off or destroying the mask of another is the greatest crime one can commit. Above murder and other atrocities. For to remove a mask is to dehumanize someone to the point of being less than an animal. As one grows, they may replace their masks with larger ones or keep spare masks. Each having different designs to represent differing events and experiences.

    Also big thanks to Yong for helping me write this, as well as any and all cosigners
    Cosigners: (Only cosign if you want and are willing to actively contribute and help with the creation of the race. Failure to do so will have you removed from the creation team until the race is either passed or fully denied, whichever is the case.)
    @YongZhi
    @Pinkbat5
    @Gun
    @Khaos
    @Skid
    @Ninin
    @Padlock
    @NubularRex
     
    Notanumber likes this.
  2. Pinkbat5

    Pinkbat5 pocl v3.7.2 Staff Member Administrator Diamond Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    1,230
    Cosign....
     
  3. Crab

    Crab New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    3
    cosign!
     
  4. Yz2

    Yz2 Galactic Enforcer Staff Member Community Monitor Gold Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    213
    Me helped write
    me cosign
     
  5. Skid

    Skid God Incarnate Staff Member Community Monitor Diamond Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    493
    Likes Received:
    224
    C-cosign!?
     
  6. Khaos

    Khaos Purple Man Impervium Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    603
    Likes Received:
    304
    Cosign......
     
  7. Ninin

    Ninin New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2017
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    6
    Cosign
     
  8. PadLock

    PadLock New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    14
    Me lub bug peepol

    Cosign
     
  9. NublarRex

    NublarRex New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    19
    Cosign.
     
  10. Nemo

    Nemo Leader of the Rat Crew Staff Member Community Monitor Diamond Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    170
    I still can't fuckin @ people but this is approved to go on to stage 2.
     
  11. Skid

    Skid God Incarnate Staff Member Community Monitor Diamond Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    493
    Likes Received:
    224
    ?ngisoC
     
  12. Khaos

    Khaos Purple Man Impervium Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    603
    Likes Received:
    304
    Re-cosign :)
     
  13. Crab

    Crab New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    3
    re-cosign!
     
  14. Bug924411

    Bug924411 New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    More bug races. I'll cosign, recosign, whatever the hell works.
     
  15. Ninin

    Ninin New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2017
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    6
    cosign
     
  16. Pinkbat5

    Pinkbat5 pocl v3.7.2 Staff Member Administrator Diamond Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    1,230
    cosign
     
  17. NublarRex

    NublarRex New Arrival

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    19
    Cosign? (again?)
     
  18. babobeebo

    babobeebo call me nick!! (thats me name!!!) Ex-Staff Gold Donator

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    31
    uh yeah sorry
    heres the finished app
    if you have any gripes tell me and ill try to compromise :)
     
  19. Notanumber

    Notanumber The Archivist Ex-Staff

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    22
    Hey whats poppin' man? I'mma be giving this a very big pending. Some really fun ideas are thrown around here, however there simply needs to be a great deal more to this. The lore you've written is not very substantial. This history section is like a summary of a history section, there is very little to it, things just occur, there aren't dates, names of important figures, there's almost no named watershed events, there is only a skeleton of how they came to where they are, it's incredibly basic.There's almost no explanation given on details that changed the culture, beyond broad sweeping statements. It needs a lot more explanation.
    A big issue of mine is the total Utopian unity, because everyone agrees on something. That would require hundreds of thousands of secular lifeforms with different thoughts and minds to all come to the same conclusion, everywhere in their world, which is absurd, think of how divisive basically every major issue in all of Human history has been.
    There is a lot of places where someone could write a culture into the history of an alien race, yet there is almost none here, no place where history and culture meet, there's almost nothing at the moment that couldn't apply to literally any nondescript alien species. You could rhyme off their entire history without describing how they behave in almost anyway. Outside of their appearance there is nothing alien about these aliens. Their behavior, mannerisms, culture, language is barely even remarked upon outside of the masks, despite that being one of the most important parts of writing an alien species. I have read this entire app, and I have no idea how these aliens behave day to day. What they do, if they have fun, if they play sports, if they go out, or even if that concept can apply to something completely alien in nature. I know nothing about their technology, transportation, almost nothing about energy production, housing.
    There is no mention of different cultures in the race and how they interact, or even nations, there's no mention of their architecture or how almost anything on their planet works and looks, how weapons could look and be designed for such a visually peculiar species. Try telling the reader how walking around a Polypha street would differ from any other street in the galaxy, if you were to replace the giant beetles with another species.
    This race has potential for sure, but it needs a lot of work. You need to detail their culture considerably, how they behave needs a lot more elaborated on, what kind of language they might use - how that might effect roleplay, you mention religions but name and detail none. The history needs far more meat on it's bones, and the culture needs even more than that. With some work this could be something special, but as of now it's just a skeleton.
    So good luck with that, peace.
     
  20. WowGain

    WowGain Bara King Staff Member Administrator Bronze Donator Event Builder

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2017
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    342
    @SomeTemplar Still interested in this being graded further?